Ch 55
–What I want to do.
It was around three o’clock by the time I got home after dropping Ageha off at home.
After talking to her, my head became calm and I let my thoughts sort themselves out.
Ageha said that I should do what I want to do.
I agree with her.
In the end, I may have just been looking for a reason to stop doing what I was trying to do.
Maintaining the status quo is the best way to avoid making waves.
I was lying in bed, but I felt sleepiness gradually welling up from deep inside me, so I got up.
I walked out into the quiet hallway and went downstairs.
While I was boiling a pot of water, I was pouring instant powdered coffee into a cup and staring aimlessly at the entire view of the living room.
After finishing the coffee, I returned to my room and sat down on the chair at my study desk.
“… Ugh.”
I didn’t add sugar or milk because I was in the mood, so it was very bitter.
But I also thought it was fine as it was.
To sum up the situation.
What would happen if I did nothing?
I don’t know what Saijo-senpai will do, but at least Karen will not do anything.
If Saijo-senpai doesn’t say anything to Karen, the two of them will continue to maintain their relationship as it is.
Is that not good enough?
If the two of them have agreed to do so, then that’s their problem and I have no right or need to say anything about it.
But…
–I want her to smile.
I think it is because it was my first love.
I had mixed feelings when I saw her smile on the riverbed in winter as she happily told me that she was going out with Saijo-senpai.
I also hoped that her smile would remain unclouded after some time had passed.
To me, Karen is Ageha’s older sister and a childhood friend.
Nothing more, nothing less, but it’s not strange to want her sister to be happy too.
Then I wonder if Karen is happy now.
She was smiling.
It was a different smile from the one she had when she was talking about going out with Saijo-senpai, a smile of concern for others.
She was smiling as if she was fooling herself.
If I were to question Saijo-senpai and the truth of the matter were to come out, I wonder what would happen to Karen.
If he had not cheated on her, the relationship would have settled down as before and she would be able to laugh normally.
But if he had cheated on her, would she be able to…?
If you confront Karen with that fact, she would definitely be sad.
Making Karen sad would go against what I want to do.
“What an excuse to go to… just because you’re afraid to give Karen grief.”
I know the truth.
More than anything else, I want to clarify the situation myself.
I want to clear up the blur in my mind that Saijo-senpai, who was so concerned about Karen, could not possibly be cheating on her.
I want to get rid of the irritation I feel toward Karen, who is acting so calm and composed even though she is really not okay.
When you get right down to it, all of these motives are self-centered.
So I told myself that it was between the two of us, and I was going to do nothing.
But I want to find out the truth.
Let me be clear, I want them to walk properly.
“-That’s right. I want to make it clear for my sake.”
Not for Karen’s sake, nor for Saijo-senpai’s sake.
It was my own selfish desire that came to stand between the two of them.
My body was stiff from sitting for so long.
I stretched lightly as I stood up and opened the curtains.
The sky had completely begun to turn white.
Feeling the morning coming, I took out my phone and opened a message with Saijo-senpai.
I wondered what kind of message I should call him.
In the first place, I wondered if he would answer my call after the incident at the family restaurant.
No, Saijo-senpai would definitely come.
With a strange conviction, I tapped the screen with a flick operation.
And just as I was about to send a text spelling out my call, a message popped up on the screen with the sound of a Nyain notification.
“Can we meet at that coffee shop after school today?”
It was a message from Saijou-senpai who called me in his usual tone.
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