Ch 19 Depression (Yukiya’s POV).
After a happy lunch break, I was stopped by Souta at the stairs.
“Hey, Yukiya. You’d better stop following Kanae around.”
I was taken aback by his first words, but I understood what he was trying to say.
It seems that Souta and Kanae aren’t dating yet, but it’s still a little bad from my point of view.
It’s been two days since I was rejected by Kanae… Yes, it’s only been two days.
And yet, this morning’s “I’ll take responsibility” declaration, the “huffing and puffing incident” at recess, the “happy lunch break” just now, and even the promise to go home together after school.
I agonized over whether I should do these things from my point of view.
But then Souta said to me.
“As I said before, Kanae has other people she cares about, so it’s annoying for you to hang around her, isn’t it?”
Those words made me realize.
The words were especially painful when said by Souta himself, the person she cared about.
And that Souta glared at me as if he was threatening me.
I’m in trouble…
It seems that I’ve been spoiled by the fact that everything that’s happened since this morning has been Kanae’s invitations and actions, and I’ve had to pay the price for accepting them even though I was confused.
I guess I’ll have to deal with this in good faith.
“Yeah, I know… Actually, I confessed to Kanae two days ago…”
Souta’s eyes widened.
“Of course, I was rejected.”
“Huh? What, you were rejected? You were rejected, weren’t you, if you were rejected~”
Souta’s voice was a little hoarse, but he looked somewhat relieved. After all, Souta is also…
“I’ve been in love with her since I was a little… I couldn’t give up on Kanae so easily…”
I know I’m not ready for this, but… it’s not something that’s easy for me to quickly dismiss in just two days.
“Also, Kanae invited me to lunch today, as if she was concerned about me.”
“It doesn’t matter if she invited you! I mean… if you’ve been rejected, don’t get involved again. That’s how it usually works.”
To be honest, this is the first time I’ve ever told someone I love them and been rejected, so I don’t really know what normal is, but judging from the way Souta talks about me, I’m probably pretty unrequited.
Then Souta continued in dismay.
“I don’t know who Kanae’s crush is, but your actions might cause her trouble if her crush misunderstands her.”
You’re absolutely right. That’s a valid point.
For some reason, I felt that Kanae was closing the distance between us even after I was rejected, and I was positively fantasizing about “a chance” and “revenge” based on that, but this is the reality.
I muttered to myself, “That’s right…” and headed back to class.
Once lunch break was over, there was only fifth and sixth period left. During the breaks in between, people would naturally tease me about my lunch break.
“Oh my god, is it finally Yukiya’s debut in the courtyard?”
“So, how was your lunch break in the courtyard?”
My classmates were laughing at me with the same enthusiasm as in the morning.
“I’m not going to tell you.”
Am I laughing properly?
In the afternoon class, Kanae’s eyes meet mine, and we wave to each other secretly, just like in the morning.
I wondered if I was waving my hands properly.
Despite my uncertainty, the day’s classes were over, homeroom was over, and I had reached the end of the school day.
I left the classroom early to hurry to my club activities, and as I walked down the corridor crowded with students on their way home, I thought about Kanae.
I like Kanae and want to go out with her. But I also don’t want to get in Kanae’s way. I think I’m being childish and selfish. I don’t know what I should do or what I want to do…
No, if it’s a question of which one should be prioritized, Kanae should be prioritized.
It’s terribly painful and sad that it’s not me who stands next to Kanae, who makes her smile, who makes her throb, but… still, if Kanae wants and can smile, that’s fine with me.
Because I love you, I’m going to step aside… No, no, no, no, I’m not stepping aside. Even though I had a hunch that Kanae might like Souta from the start, I couldn’t give up and didn’t back down, and then I was rejected.
“Haha, I’m dreading the trip home…”
I couldn’t help but chuckle.
What kind of face should I make while I go home with Kanae?
But even so, a promise is a promise. Kanae said she’d be waiting for me to finish my club activities, so let’s go home together, as if it’s our last day together!
And so, with an unnecessarily grim determination, I headed for the club activities.
However, such a state of mind was not enough. The coach warned me, the manager yelled at me, and my friends were seriously worried about me…
To top it all off, the coach even told me to “take it easy when you get home, I don’t know what’s wrong with you” – apparently he knew that I had a mental problem.
I changed into my uniform and left the club room.
Now that the club activities are over, I finally have to call Kanae.
I took out my phone and called Kanae.
“Hello, Yuki-kun? Did you finish your club activities?”
The voice of my loved one bounced in my ear, and I felt indescribable.
“Yeah, I just finished. So… Can we talk on the phone for a minute?”
“Yes, yes. But I’m going to Yuki-kun’s place soon, okay?”
I’ve heard that Kanae is in the student council room.
“No, I’d like it to stay that way if I could.”
Perhaps sensing my mood, Kanae’s voice seemed to have hardened as well.
“Oh… actually, Souta himself told me today. He said, Kanae has someone she loves, so don’t hang around her too much…”
I could feel Kanae’s breath catch in her throat as she spoke on the phone, and I continued, ashamed of my inadequacy.
“Souta definitely thinks Kanae is special… I’m sure Kanae and Souta are very much in love with each other…”
What an embarrassing line. And I’ve never found the act of putting it into words to be so difficult and painful.
“I’m really sorry about that… Originally, I did something unnecessary like confessing to Kanae, and that’s why Souta warned me about it…”
This messy situation is definitely the result of my immorality. If Kanae and Souta get on bad terms because of this, I won’t even be able to look at them.
I was about to continue saying that it would be better if we didn’t go home together.
“… don’t say unnecessary things…”
Kanae’s voice, wavering unreliably, sent a chill down my spine. Is she crying?
“I, I was… very, very… happy…?”
The sound of sniffling made me feel lifeless.
Then Kanae said,
“Yuki-kun… I have something to tell you, Yuki-kun…”
I was completely overwhelmed by Kanae’s desperation, which I could feel even through the phone.
“Please, please listen to me… Please, please…”
I answered reflexively.
Of course. If Kanae asks me to do something, I have no choice but to say “yes”.
Thus, I waited for Kanae to come as I had originally planned.
I was anxious to find out what Kanae wanted to tell me.
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